Expected Death ~ When someone dies, the first thing to do is nothing. Don’t run out and call the nurse. Don’t pick up the phone. Take a deep breath and be present to the magnitude of the moment.
There’s a grace to being at the bedside of someone you love as they make their transition out of this world. At the moment they take their last breath, there’s an incredible sacredness in the space. The veil between the worlds opens.
We’re so unprepared and untrained in how to deal with death that sometimes a kind of panic response kicks in. “They’re dead!”
We knew they were going to die, so their being dead is not a surprise. It’s not a problem to be solved. It’s very sad, but it’s not cause to panic.
If anything, their death is cause to take a deep breath, to stop, and be really present to what’s happening. If you’re at home, maybe put on the kettle and make a cup of tea.
Sit at the bedside and just be present to the experience in the room. What’s happening for you? What might be happening for them? What other presences are here that might be supporting them on their way? Tune into all the beauty and magic.
Pausing gives your soul a chance to adjust, because no matter how prepared we are, a death is still a shock. If we kick right into “do” mode, and call 911, or call the hospice, we never get a chance to absorb the enormity of the event.
Give yourself five minutes or 10 minutes, or 15 minutes just to be. You’ll never get that time back again if you don’t take it now.
After that, do the smallest thing you can. Call the one person who needs to be called. Engage whatever systems need to be engaged, but engage them at the very most minimal level. Move really, really, really, slowly, because this is a period where it’s easy for body and soul to get separated.
Our bodies can gallop forwards, but sometimes our souls haven’t caught up. If you have an opportunity to be quiet and be present, take it. Accept and acclimatize and adjust to what’s happening. Then, as the train starts rolling, and all the things that happen after a death kick in, you’ll be better prepared.
You won’t get a chance to catch your breath later on. You need to do it now.
Being present in the moments after death is an incredible gift to yourself, it’s a gift to the people you’re with, and it’s a gift to the person who’s just died. They’re just a hair’s breath away. They’re just starting their new journey in the world without a body. If you keep a calm space around their body, and in the room, they’re launched in a more beautiful way. It’s a service to both sides of the veil.
Credit for the beautiful words ~ Sarah Kerr, Ritual Healing Practitioner and Death Doula , Death doula Beautiful art by Columbus Community Deathcare
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THISlooks like it’s going to be a GREAT workshop!Many of the presenters are true pioneers who have been working in this field for 20+ years. From the website:
It is our pleasure to invite you to join us in our online conference and practice retreat, The Art of Dying and Living.
This is THUS | Menla’s new incarnation of a powerfully transformative event Tibet House US launched with the New York Open Center 20 years ago, which introduced thousands to the profound exploration of the realities of death and dying as the doorway to living ever more vibrantly in the precious moments of life. Over these five days, renowned presenters will share visions and lead practices drawn from spiritual wisdom, scientific insight, and time-tested experiential methods of dealing with death and dying that immeasurably enrich the lives of those facing death, as well as those facing bereavement.
Join us to explore ancient and modern understandings of the art of dying and living through the lenses of different traditions, including Tibetan and Zen Buddhist, Christian, Hindu, Judaic, and Shamanic.
Study the nature of death as part of life. Teachings and practices will be weaved throughout the conference to help us contemplate our own life and death more fully. Experts from the field of care giving and bereavement will bring support to those who are caring for those at the end of life or grieving for a loved one.
Dr. Eben Alexander, Sierra Campbell, Dr. Nida Chenagtsang, Deepak Chopra, Dr. Terri Daniel, Joan Halifax, Andrew Holecek, Lucy Kalanithi, Jussara Korngold, Simcha Raphael, Richard Martini, Dr. Gabor Maté, Frank Ostaseski, Mingyur Rinpoche, Therese Schroeder-Sheker, Robert Thurman, Alberto Villoldo, Henry Fersko-Weiss, and Dr. Jessica Zitter.
Despite many of the workshops and “certification” classes that you see these days, Tai Chi cannot be learned in a weekend…or mastered in a year. It takes years of practice with a real teacher to REALLY learn the form because Tai Chi is very advanced and was originally meant for retired fighters who had mastery of their particular arts. Qigong is a much more accessible practice for most Americans.
It’s rare that we have here in the Hudson Valley region an authentic martial arts based Tai Chi and Qigong teacher, still intructing at 101 years young. If you get the chance please avail yourself of his skills, you absolutely won’t regret it. See biography and a website here: Wandering Taoist Arts
Kwan teaches on Tuesdays at Mountain View Studio, Woodstock: Qi Gong 5:30 – 6:30 Tai Qi 6:30 – 7:30 Cost is $20 per class.
We talk about this quite a bit in our book Caregiver Revolution and here is a recent AARP article which gives some simple and effective tips for self care.
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The Labyrinth Readers Society is hosting the first online Death Chat facilitated by Dorothy Truth (aka Death Herself) on Saturday, June 26th at 3:00pm Pacific on Zoom.
Death Chat is our take on the Death Cafe experience, the increasingly popular online or in-person environment where groups discuss death freely, with no particular agenda.
Death Chat is an invitation to explore conversations around death and dying with a creative mindset. Each event will be facilitated by a different individual offering a diverse artistic approach to the conversations.
It’s our hope that our online Death Cafe may serve as a safe door for people to open up and share their experiences, questions, feelings, and more relating to death in a casual and friendly space.
We encourage connecting from a compassionate, inclusive, and authentic curiosity.
This event is open to the public. There is no fee, donations are welcome.
